The Puddles

We just got back from the peditrician for the second time this week.  First with Miss A and now with BenBen.  The doctor thinks that Ainsley may be lactose intolerant.  She has been having bowel issues for a while and we have worked on resolving them.  This was a follow up visit.  And after lots of testing, we are now down to the food testing to see what is causing it.  We are starting with the dairy.  But after hearing the list of the things that her problem could be and what we would have to do to figure it out, I am determined that she will certainly be lactose intolerant.  I am finding the conclusion today.  I can’t handle anything else.

Second child . . . Ben. We just got back and the doctor is now sending us to have an entire series of tests done on Ben’s tummy. We are putting him on yet more medicine and changing up his diet.  The poor boy had to have a rectal exam today and he just cried.  I felt like joining him.  His heart burn is back, he is throwing up again, and he is having pains.  So we had to address it.  I get that. But seriously. Hasn’t the boy had enough?

I called Chris on my way home and told him what the word from the doctor was.  He just got quiet.  He says, “O.k.”  I told him that right now I just want to “c-r-y” (that way Ben doesn’t understand.).  I just don’t want to deal with any of this right now.  The world is hard enough.  Life is hard enough.  This feels like we are just adding to the sorrows. I am really not interested in adding anything else to the world right now except peace and love.  I just can not do it today.  Today I don’t feel like I can give anything else to anyone else.