The Puddles

I love being a wife and a mom.  But sometimes it is really hard.  It feels like you have to be rock in a constantly shifting sea.   Struggling to fight against the constantly shifting waves and to not loose my footing.  My kids are near the end of their cute and cuddling stage. I can tell that they are starting to enter the next stage of life.  They are trying to figure out who they are.  They are starting to test their chops at sarcasm.  Their friends are exposing my kids to more and more things that we have tried to shield them from.  But, I can’t shut out the world.  All I can do is to try to give them the tools that they need to deal with it.

Why is it that self-worth is so often the first part of their personality to take a nose dive? How do I teach my kids to be brave and resilient in the face of criticism when I struggle with it myself?  I know how hard it is put yourself out there and to have that part of you stomped on.  It can wear you down.  How strong is their foundation?  Can they stand up against the tide?  I constantly worry that I am not doing enough to build their character to handle the tough situations.  I wish I could be with them every moment of the day, but that is unrealistic.  So how can I give them the tools to deal what life gives them?

There are adults that I know who don’t deal well with others and I think to myself that their childhood must have been rough to create an adult like that.  But then I know adults who are pillars and I want to glean from them everything I can about life so that I can equip my children with those qualities.  I have such a short time with them.  Soon they will grow up and be on their own.  I need to do everything that I can to train them to be the best adults that they can be.  It isn’t easy.  I mess up a lot. But I’m trying.

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This is the question that Ainsley has  asked several times now.  Her friend died this week when she was struck by a car.  It is so hard to see Ainsley struggle with this tragic death.  She came home yesterday after finding out and she just tried to stay brave for a while.  But she had been brave all day and she just needed to let all go.  Daddy came home early and he and I met her off the bus so that we could talk.

“She’s never going to get to grow up.” “How do they know she’s dead?”  “Why did CPR not work?” “Whose fault is it?”  and her most vigorous plea . . . “It’s just not fair.”  No, Ainsley. It is not fair.

But her faith is strong and she knows that God is a part of all of this even though he certainly didn’t cause any of it.   She knows that her God is hugging Jazmin in heaven right now, not because he needed another angel but because something bad happened and he wanted to comfort her.  She has drawn pictures and written a letter to send to the family.  She has requested prayers for Jazmin at church and prayed for her family and all those who hurt because of this loss.   She took a rose today to place on Jazmin’s desk and wants to bring pictures tomorrow to decorate her desk because that is what Jazmin would like.

She is hurting through this journey and I hate that all we can do is walk with her and love her as she heals from this sadness.  I cry with her and hold her close as I selfishly thank God that it wasn’t Ainsley.

It is amazing how resilient children are.  She will move through this.  She says that she wants to help others in her class who are more sad than she is.  She wants to help them to not hurt so much.  She worries that her friend’s family is hurting so bad that they won’t be able to be happy again.

But we found this picture of her and Jazmin and wants to print it out so she can carry it with her.  This way she can’t forget her friend.

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It has been a long and wonderful day.  The kids each had a friend spend the night.  Six kids at dinner was a table full.  It was great to see them all laughing and enjoying each others presence.  How many more days will we have like this?  I realize that we are closer to the end of our child rearing days than to the beginning (maybe if only by a little).  Maybe it’s the fact that I’m starting to feel the passage of time, but I relish these days.  I love having a house full of kids.  It makes me appreciate the quieter times.  It was a good day in May.

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All three came up with a Tree of life shirt to wear today. On their own. Without prompting. And did you notice they are not at church? My first thought was . . . Do we train our train our kids right? Great advertising! My second thought was . . . We desperately need a new design on our tshirts. And my third thought was . . . The Lake family owns too many TOL shirts.

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One of our favorite traditions that we have taken with us from Nebraska is May Day baskets. Last night the kids and I made 100 May Day baskets to take the school to share with teachers and friends.

The real tradition in Nebraska it is that the kids make the May Day baskets then take them to a friends house and put them on the door, ring the doorbell, and run away. If the person inside the house catches the kids before they leave, then they get to kiss the kids . My favorite part of this holiday is that the emphasis is on the kids making the baskets and giving them and not on receiving the baskets.

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Ben was having fun last week and took the camera to record his latest build!

Check it out here.

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