The Puddles

Ainsley at Ben's party

Ben and his new recess buddy

Class party!

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Madie chattin' with a friend

Ainsley and I making a candy necklace together

Ainsley and her Valentine Day bag

The class

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These are the pictures from her second grade music program.

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Yes. My children are all trying to conspire against me to fall back on my Lenten goal of being more positive, serene, and less anxious.  The day started good.  The children were dressed and ready to go with church bags in hand on time this morning.  We made it through Sunday School.  And then it happened.  “What happened?” you ask.  Everything. . .   Drama. Suspense.  Intrigue.  It was all there in church this morning.

First, Madie.  In the midst of getting seated, Madie started to ask me a question.  I automatically replied, “No.”  I figured it was the safe answer.  Come to find out she had wanted to sit with a new friend.  When I finally get myself seated, I see that she is rather sad and forlorn, so I ask her what is wrong.  She says that someone in Sunday school made fun of her.  The boy (of course it had to be a boy!) told her that she had purple hair.  Someone sitting near me asked what was wrong with Madie.  I relayed the story and this person told me that she was perfectly content before worship started.  Which meant that probably what Madie was more upset about was me telling her no.  Wow.  An eight year old is complicated.  So I relented on the seating arrangement and life seemed to be moving forward.  Then there was Ainsley.

Ainsley (remember the cute four year old who loves to be loved and rotates between various laps during worship to fulfill all of her cuddling needs on Sunday) asked to also sit with Madie and Ben with their new friends.  When she went back there something happened.  She comes back to me with her head held low dragging her church bag on the floor beside her.  She looked up to me with her sad puppy dog eyes and told me that wanted to sit back with me.  This is a very unusual move for Ainsley.  This never happens.  I mean NEVER happens!  She drops her bag to the floor and flings herself into my lap.  (All of this was done with the flourish of a silent move actress.)  She informs me in my ear that there was not enough room back there for her (Yes, there was.)  and that there were too many toys (No there wasn’t.) and that nobody wanted to play Barbie with her (she never asked anyone!).  So I gave her lots of cuddles this morning during worship.  Until Ben happened.

Ben. Ben has been very boy lately. Today was no exception.  He asked me during worship if he could go to the bathroom.  I said yes.  Thinking that Ben would return at any moment I didn’t worry.  When the sermon finished, no Ben.  When offering was taken, no Ben.  When communion started, no Ben.  Now I am worried.  Where is Ben?  First of all, we sit in the front row.  My mother always taught me that you DO NOT LEAVE during worship.  Hold it until it is over.  It was bad enough I let the six year go to the bathroom by himself at church.  Now I am thinking . . .  Who has him?  He had better hurry up.  Is he ok?  I am going to kill him.  Is he kidnapped? Where is he????  Always being a good Lutheran, I went forward and received communion and then promptly marched myself outside to look for him.  Where was he you might ask? . . . In the church nursery (but not really because he set his chair outside of the room in order to watch tv but still not be in the nursery.).  First, there was a major sigh of relief.  Second, I pulled him outside and told him that he was NEVER allowed to do that again.  We marched back to church.  Once inside Ben asked me if he can please go sit with his friend again.  I tell him, “Yes.  This is your last ounce of freedom today so you had better enjoy it while you can.”  It is a good thing that flogging is not allowed in church.  It saved Ben today.

So I am trying to be that peaceful presence in my children’s lives.  I need worship on Sunday to help me recenter and refocus my thoughts onto Christ and my family.  How can I do that when I spend the entire worship time putting out fires amongst my children?  And yet worship did just that.  It wasn’t the worship itself today that did it (Sorry, honey!) but the people.  The joyous throng of individuals and families who came to worship today who said hi to the kids.  Gave them pats on the back.  Thanked them for being there. Who helped Ainlsey put a puzzle together with another young child after church was over and I was trying get all of stuff together. Who asked Madie to stop and twirl so she could see how pretty Madie looked in her dress.  Who let Ben sit in the nursery (but yet not in the nursery) eventhough he is technically too old to be there.  They fill up my children’s soul when I cannot.

So I failed my serenity test today.  Not so good.  Someone pointed out that it is not Lent yet, so I am still ok and that I can just chalk this up to a practice run.  I think that I will take that.  I am still a work in progress. Even God got angry and blew up (remember Noah!).  I will just continue to work on being that peaceful presence in my children’s lives.  Starting now.

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“Please pick up your Barbie truck from the middle of the kitchen.” says Mom.

“Mom.  All you have to do is step over it.  Like this.  (She demonstrates.) See.  If I can do it, so can you.”  says Ainsley, age 4.

Spend enough time with my children and they say the darnest things.

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“I like it when you listen to the your radio program in the morning.  It makes me feel like we are family.”

-Ben Lake, age 6

said to Daddy this Saturday morning.  On Saturday morning, Daddy goes in the kitchen and does the dishes while he listens to “Wait,Wait, Don’t Tell Me” on NPR.  He does the same routine on most Saturdays that he is here, but we haven’t had a normal Saturday for awhile.  NPR, dishes, coffee, and donuts make for a great Saturday morning.

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I have hit the wall.  I am tired.  But I go to bed tonight with a smile on my face.  My children had a good day.  I had a good day.  The week started stressed and full of pain, but the end of the week is good and happy.  I am trying to reinstate a positive, peaceful, and happy attitude both at home and in life.  I figure that if my world is surrounded by people who are in pain (emotionally not physically) that I can either absorb their energy in order to find resolution or I could counter it with serenity in my own life.  This is a constant battle of good vs. evil in me to not succumb to the hopelessness of it all, but I am determined (at least for the moment) to work for it.  My children and husband deserve it and I deserve it.  Lent starts next week.  Maybe that will be my Lenten offering or sacrifice (however you look at it).  It makes me so sad to see the pain that people are feeling these days.  The world is hard sometimes and sometimes people make the world even harder, but . . . it is my hope and prayer that this does not have to trickle over into my own little world.

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• 8:30 Second grade music program – go and save seats for family
• 9:00 Music program
• 10:00 Grandparents Day for second grade
• 11:30 Valentine’s Day party at Ainsley’s preschool
• 12:30 Take Ainsley from school and drive over to Elementary school for the other two.
• 1:15 Conference with Kindergarten teacher
• 1:45 Kindergarten Valentine’s Day Party
• 2:30 Second grade Valentine’s Day Party

I love being a mom (and that was not sarcastic.)!  It is days like these that I am thankful for all three of my children and that I have a husband who allows me to stay home and hang with them. And that I have a new boss who doesn’t mind that some of my days are like this and knows that I that will get my work done between the slots of all my daily activities (at least I hope she does! and that new aspect of my daily life is another story for another day). I am lucky!

You notice that I am writing this in the morning.  I may not be so chipper by this evening!  Of course, I am running on adrenaline.  After staying up until 2am to get everything ready for today, I know that by tonight I will be crashed out on the couch, blubbering, and asking my children to remind me what my name is.  But until then . . .

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Madie was a total ham tonight at her second grade music program.  She did so well.  I am so proud of her.  She really enjoyed being on stage and participating in the program.  The assistant principal gave Madie a compliment and that sent her over the moon.  She had a reason to be so proud.  Madie was radiating happiness tonight.  Between her happiness and my mother’s pride, we were radiating joy and warming up the cold night sky with our happiness.  And the cutest thing was Ainsley cheering Madie on when she went on stage by yelling, “I love you Madie!”  The whole room could hear.

Papa Grace comes tomorrow to see the performance and so does Daddy (he had to go to a meeting tonight.).  The world is going to be even better tomorrow.  So if you are having a bad day tomorrow, come on by our house.  Excuse the mess and just come to bask in the glow of joy that is coming from my Madie.  She can make anyone smile today!

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That is  Ainsley’s new phrase.  It is so adorable!  Especially when she uses it in the context of her conversation.

“Oh! You’ve got to be kidding me!!!! I have to go the bathroom AGAIN!”

“Mom! You washed all my clothes! Oh! You’ve . . . ”

“Oh! You’ve got . . .There’s an orange in my lunch box!  I love oranges!”

“Oh! You’ve got . . . my seatbelt is twisted again.”

And on and on.  It just makes me giggle.

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