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Archive for May, 2010

But I can’t. He is four years old. He plays on Ainsley’s soccer time and he pushed my baby down today.  Nobody does that to MY baby!  This is the same kid who sits off to the sidelines crying about not wanting to play and then runs on to the field when our team has the ball and is almost at the goal and then shoves to kid who has the ball down and kicks it in.  (That sentence was a run-on.  I know.  But trust me, I haven’t taken a breath yet.)  He bulldozed my Ainsley down. “On purpose or accident?” (that’s what I ask all the time at home).  It was definitely ON PURPOSE.  I was ready to march on that field and TAKE HIM OUT! But I got a hold of myself and didn’t move out of my chair.  I concentrated on hugging on Ainsley who was upset.  And I let the coach try to handle it.  (He wasn’t successful but he did try.)

Got to love sports!  It suppose to be all fun at this age!  I am working on my deep breathing techniques for the next game.  I think I am going to need it for the last two games if I want to come out without saying something mean to the parents of that child.  You should know that at most of her games we are laughing and having a good time at the antics of four year olds playing soccer, but being a bully on the field is where I draw the line.  One day Ainsley will stand up for herself and he will suffer the rath of Ainsley and that will be worse then any punishment that I could ever dose out.

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My mind is mushy.

I think that my mind has turned to mush.  I was told I needed to update the blog, but I cannot find the words to say.  Odd.  I don’t usually have this very weird sensation of not knowing what to say.  Chris says it is the deep thinking that he and I have done the last few days.  Deep thinking about subjects that are emotionally draining can destroy brain cells.  That’s what he says.  We have had great talks about life (and when he is running a high fever, these talks become really interesting!!!) and the joys and pains of being in the church.  Some days one side outweighs the other, but in the end it all equals out.  At least . . . we hope it does.

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He is sick.  Really sick.  Moaning in bed thinking that he is at death’s door sick.  Poor guy.  Chris is sick.  He came home from volunteering at the kid’s school all day yesterday and then promptly got sick.  I tucked him into bed and went to sleep somewhere else.  No way did I want what he had.

So on to today.  The day has been full.  Full of drama and tears.  We gave Chris enough medicine to make it to his VERY important meeting this morning.  He made it and then made it back home again.  I think he is still sleeping.

The children miss daddy (eventhough he is only upstairs, the children are banned from seeing him).  Everyone seems to be having one of those days.  The children and the world around us included.  I think that I have talked to, emailed with, or listened to many of them today (myself included in that).  The words “stress” and/or “hurt” seem to be the words of the day.

I think that I will be glad when tomorrow comes.

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“Do you know how to spell “personality”?”  Madie says to Ben.

“No.  But ask this bad boy how to spell “metamorphosis” and I’m all over that!” So saith the BenBen.

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Surreal.

Chris and I went to a lovely dinner last night with the group that went to the Balkans and all of their spouses.  This group is diverse with so many different faiths contributing to the discussion of conflict, how society deals with it, and how can we apply this knowledge to our own community.    What a change in pace for my little world.  One small group was outside discussing feminist theology and great women thinkers in the movement.  Another group was inside discussing polygamy in the Muslim faith.  That was all before dessert.  The larger group had an interesting discussion after dessert about conflict in the Balkans and real-life applications of this knowledge in our home.  I am so glad that Chris is able to be a part of these talks.  What a wonderful group of people to be willing to put their own beliefs aside for the moment to hear and learn about another.  If only more people did this, there wouldn’t be conflict.

But here is what I learned . . . I have many skills in life that I am good at and as much as I enjoyed listening to this group last night (and trust me that is all I did!), this world is not for me.  I do not want to solve to world’s problems, but I am a great supporter for those who do.  We need these people in our lives to solve the bigger picture in our world, community, and churches.  What I am good at is raising the next generation, to stoke the fires at home, and be a supporter to my husband in all of his endeavors.

The real-life applications for  everything that Chris has learned and is learning is huge and fabulous and meaningful.  I am so grateful that he had and has the opportunity to be a part of this journey with so many wonderful people.  And I will continue to be the faithful supporter to the greater world and follow what God has called me to do.  It may seem little and meaningless compared to others who are helping to solve the greater problems of our society but I know that what I do is important and meaningful to myself, my family, and the next generation.

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My beloved Ainsley . . . She has a stubborn streak about her.  I have no idea where she gets it from.  It must be Chris.  But I digress . . . Ainlsey is also a very loving child who likes to cuddle in your lap and let you hug her while she tells you how much she loves you.  Yes.  It is very endearing.

On Sunday mornings at church it is very difficult for me to love and hug on all three children.  For the most part, church is not very stimulating for them (Sorry, Dad!).  They like the music and the children’s sermon but sitting for that long is veeeerrrrry  hard for them to do.  Even Madie struggles on some Sundays.  So they all like to sit next to me and be loved on with hugs, love, attention, more hugs, more love, more attention.  See the pattern.  It drives me nuts by the middle of the service.  I am generally ready to reclaim myself for myself by that point.  Papas and Grandmas live too far away to join us on Sunday mornings (and trust me this is a Papa/Grandma job) to help pass the love and give away lap time to the kids.  But this church is blessed with many Grandma/Papa kind of people.  The kids do have a few that they gravitate too on most Sundays.  For several Sundays in a row, Ainsley’s go-to person was absent or at least not available to sit with. Finally on the first Sunday that she was back, Ainsley really wanted to sit with her.  Unfortunately, she was sitting across the sanctuary.  Not close but in Ainsley’s direct line of sight.  Bad. Ainlsey begged. She threw herself to the floor.  She made it abundantly clear where she wanted to go.  I, of course, being the good mother was terrified of having her daughter make a scene at church.  Which is worse?  The begging and crying or the walk quickly across the room in the middle of service. What to do? What to do?

I finally concede (and I promise myself to tell my mother sorry later for disrupting church because I just know that she knows. Mothers always do.) and tell her that after communion I will let her go over to sit with her absentee-but-is-now-available “Go-To” person/friend (I was actually envisioning Ainsley reinacting the scene from “Gone with the Wind” where Melanie runs into long-lost Ashley’s arms. It was that dramatic of a moment).  So as soon as it was time to go over . . .

another child goes to sit  with Ainsley’s friend.

The color drained from Ainsley’s face. She throws her dolly to the floor and dramatically follows soon after.  She is devastated.  Devastated!  Ainsley knows that it is over and she is stuck with her mom for yet another Sunday and not her friend who will devote a neverending supply of hugs and love and who she will not have to share with anyone.  Ainsley quietly picks herself up from the floor.  Climbs onto the pew next to me and announces, “I am NEVER passing the peace with her again!”  Wow.  Talk about harsh.  Ainsley shot looks across the room at that little boy that could have sliced him apart if she had any superpowers.  It was bad.  I wasn’t sure who she was more mad at her friend or the little boy.

Since that day . . . she has forgiven both.  (Not that there is anything to forgive.) I love that little toot.  She may be a pistol sometimes, but those hugs and kisses make up for it every time.

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The kids were particularly dirty this afternoon when they came home from school.  So before Daddy came home and we had dinner, all of the kids took a bath.  Then we promptly went somewhere and they got dirty again.  So we came home and took another shower.  But they sure did have a good time getting dirty!!!

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He finally lost a second tooth.  Way to go!  I have not been able to convince any one of my children to give a tooth to the toothfairy.  His new tooth was already coming in before he lost it.  He is growing up!

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I had to go to the dentist yesterday.  I had cancelled so many times previously that I was fearful to cancel yesterday and postpone it one more day because I am sure that they will put me some blacklist for patients. I have had one good dentist in my life and he is retired and lives 800 miles away.  Not that dentist are bad. But unfortunately, I have not had the best experience having my visits be painfree.  And now my brain works overtime when I go to the dentist and that probably works against me.  I finished at the dentist’s office yesterday and you know it is bad when they talk to you about treatment plans because they can’t take care of it in one sitting.  Yuck. Double yuck. At least I have put off dealing with it until the summer.  I wouldn’t deal with it at all except that you never appreciate the teeth that you have until you don’t have them anymore.  I am trying to appreciate them now before they rot out of my head and I don’t have them anymore.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.

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Ben gives Daddy helpful laundry advice tonight while Daddy washes clothes.

“When you mix dirty clothes with clean clothes, it makes the clean clothes dirty.  Ok, Dad?”

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