The Puddles

with a video camera in my face.  Ben brought the video camera up to my room to wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day” while sticking a camera two inches from my face.  Adorable!  Two minutes later Ainsley and Madie follow with a breakfast tray of coffee and toast for me and a bag of pictures and cards that they had made yesterday.  Perfect!  It was perfect!  When I was young and dreaming about the family I would have one day, this is how I wanted it to be.  My son awkwardly waking me up.  Madie fixing me a tasty (?) toast and cold coffee.  And Ainsley struggling to climb on the bed with the giant bag of pictures while yelling “me first. me first.”   Today was perfect.  Chris had even helped them buy a present and a card.  (And if you know Chris, who hates the commercialization of Mother’s Day, this was a huge sacrifice.)  I loved it all.  The best part is . . . my children.

My children.  Ben asked me today, “Is this the best Mother’s Day ever?” Of course it is.  Ainsley said, “You are my favorite mother!”  And Madie made me a coupon to do all of my chores and asked me today if I thought I was going to use a coupon today.  I said that I was saving it for a special day and she said, “Whew! I was pretty tired today already.” And then threw her arms around me and gave me a giant hug.  And I love the fact that all three of them couldn’t wait until Sunday to present me with any of the gifts that they made at school this week.  Awesome!  I love being a mom.

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to have wonderful grandmas in our lives.  The kids and I were talking this weekend about what we were going to do for Mother’s Day and after we talked about our favorite grandmas (the one with the white hair and the one with the brown hair.  That is not meant to be disrespectful but that is just how they distinguish them.  It used to be “the one who was close and the one who was far away” but now they both live close.  All very confusing!) the kids starting listing all of the other people who needed Mother’s Day thank yous.  The list was growing huge.  How wonderful is it that my children can list so many wonderful women in their lives who they adore and to whom they consider pivotal in their lives.

We are going to Grandma Grace’s house today to celebrate with her.  Someone asked me why was I going so far away on my own Mother’s Day.  We lived for ten years away from family.  I used to drive 17-24 hours to come home.  One hour is nothing.  And I am so excited that I can entertain the idea of visiting my mom on Mother’s Day and I don’t take it for granted.  So off we go . . . the kids are getting ready to depart.  They are changing and finishing up cards.  Today is a good day!

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I told Ainsley last night that if she slept the whole night in her bed that I would not make her do “stay-day” at school the next day and that I would pick her up early from school.  This is a huge incentive.  She was so excited about not going to stay-day.  She told a friend that night that she was going to be “so brave” and stay all night in her bed.

5 am.

“Mommy?”

“Yes.”

“I am going to be really brave and go to stay-day today.  So can I crawl into bed with you?”

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Daddy came home.  (Insert big sigh here.)  Our world is better.  Our life is better.  I think that the sun may be shining brighter this morning.  The kids are definitely smiling bigger this morning.  They are so happy.  I am so much happier. His presence has made my burden lighter (and I am not talking about the work load).  I always have a new appreciation for single moms after my adventures with Chris away from home.  And I appreciate him so much more.  With Chris by my side I know that we can fight this next looming health issue with Ben with both barrels blazing.

It is time to get everyone off to school.  We are even on time this morning!  Even I am shocked.  I shouldn’t ruin this by hiding out in the office for much longer!!!!

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A little time and some sleep can put some perspective on yesterday’s events.  I am done with being in shock that yesterday didn’t go the way I wanted it to. So we didn’t get the news that I would have liked.  It is not the end of the world.  We still have our BenBen.  We will face this new round of health issues with a smile and a strong faith that God will carry us through this.  So go ahead and BRING IT ON!  We will be ready!

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delve into the depth of reality.

We are back from Ben’s visit to the cardiologist.  We are tired.  Ben and I both.  Emotionally exhausted from the day.  The results of the visit were good and bad.

The good first . . . There is still no sign of growth returning under the aortic valve, and the valve, although still leaking, has not increased significantly.  This is good.

The not so good . . . First. The area above the aortic valve has narrowed again.  During his last surgery the doctor widened the aorta by adding a Dacron patch. This area has started to narrow again.  Although still minor, it is not good that this has already started.  Second. Ben should not have high blood pressure this late past his surgery.  This is not usual for a patient with his condition.  So the doctor feels like something else may be going on.  She feels that we need to do further testing to find out why he has high blood pressure.  Most likely it could be that the same narrowing of the aorta could be happening to the arteries leading into his kidneys. So we will go in the next few months to have a doppler done of his kidneys and more lab work.  If that isn’t it, then he will go to the hypertensive clinic at Texas Children’s Hospital to try to figure out what is going on.  Hopefully we will find some answers.  We go back to see the doctor in six months  (but we will be talking to her about all of this testing between now and then).

I called and communicated all of this to Chris (who is still in Europe).  Not the best news to give over the phone.  Luckily I had my mom there to hear all that the doctor had to say and to just be there, so I wasn’t by myself on this visit.

I am still just completely numb.  I was really hoping for better news today.  But I guess it could have been worse. That is something to be grateful for.  I hate to be selfish and ask, but I think that Ben could use more prayers again.  I was hoping that we could let those prayers go for others who might need them, but Ben really could use some again.

Ben is at my office door and says he is “staaaarrrrrrving”  and that they are all “staaaaarrrrrrving.”  I guess they are all ready for some dinner.  Besides, it is getting too quiet in this office and my mind needs a break from all of the emotions that are churning right now.  My kids are a good solution for that problem.  They will certainly keep me busy, so much so that I won’t have time to think.

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Today is Ben’s big appointment day at Texas Children’s with his “plumber” (a.k.a. cardiologist). I am so nervous and anxious. Ben is as cool as a cucumber. Today we find out if the valve repair is still holding and if the growth has come back. It is an all day trip usually, so we may be tired but I hope to give good news later about Ben. Prayers are very much needed today. Any and all are appreciated.

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This has been an extremely busy day.  Two games and two parties plus some minor house repairs today.

Papa Lake drove over from Brenham to help deliver boy to baseball game and to make sure that Ben smiled for team photo (I forgot to tell him the smiley part. I only asked him to make sure that his photo got taken. I have to work better on my communication skills). Ainsley and I took Madie to her soccer game only to find out that we were early by an hour.  Of course, I say it is better to mess up the start time by being too early than too late.  So . . . go me!     The day continued down its busy path until we delivered Madie to her birthday/slumber party tonight an hour late.  I put S— Ln. instead of Blvd. into my Tomtom and wound up 30 miles south of where I was suppose to be.  Darn the luck.

The good news is that Papa helped with some house repairs that needed more immediate attention and attempted to fix my kitchen light (which, since this morning, quit working at all.  But he did get the cover off!).   This is all very mundane.  Which is good.  Mundane is good when your husband is across the ocean from you.

So in the next four days (I already subtracted today) there needs to be more of that . . . mundane.  Ben’s three month check up with the cardiologist is Monday.  I would be very happy with mundane.  In fact . . . that will be my prayer to God for  Monday.  More of the mundane.  I am trying not to be nervous about Monday, but it is not working. It is really not working.  I am close to teetering over the edge into instability with worry.   This doctor has never been able to give us a visit without bad news involved.  So here’s hoping that Monday will be the first one!

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